Struggling with that beard? Lacking in ‘skills’? Feeling inadequate downstairs?
I can’t speak for the ladies, but I’m a new man. Reborn. The Bear Grylls of Hobart!
As we strolled down the historical Salamanca waterfront, like Remus Lupin under a full moon, I could feel the change.
Ever so slightly I found it harder to walk, my jeans tightening, constricting. Traditional bootcut had become distressed stovepipe! A smile from ear to ear, fading fast, replaced by a mask of knowing ambivalence, if only it were visible through my luxurious whiskers, waxed and curled to Germanic perfection. Arms no longer bare, now swaddled in the warm, comforting, yet rugged texture of flannel. Plaid, of course. Is that an axe hanging from my belt?
It was only as I walked through the doors of Jack Greene, ruminating on the urgently ironic sermonising of Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” and its place in modern society, that the realisation dawned on me. My own personal road to Damascus was behind me and I had been transformed. Evolved. Upgraded to Man 2.0. I was…a lumbersexual.
Awash with brown timber, I dared not ask into what rare elixir it had been plunged to achieve such a radiant glow. Yet seeping from every pore was the answer to infertility, the fountain of youth, our very own urban aphrodisiac. This was the Garden of Eaten from whence all good burgers flow.
And they were good.
Not the best in town mind you, but better than a poke in the eye with a limp chip!
The menu is excellent, offering a range of burgers to suit carnivores, pescavores (is that even a thing?) and herbivores alike. From your basic cheeseburger ($12) to the exotic braised tasmanian wallaby burger (wallaby rump, lettuce, tomato, spanish onion, pear & pepperberry chutney & garlic aioli – $17), or the baked eggplant burger (eggplant, citrus aioli, lettuce, tomato, spanish onion, hummus & tahini sauce – $16.50), there’s bound to be something that catches your eye through your non-prescription horn-rimmed glasses.
Keen to try their best, I enquired as to their ‘signature’ burger and was recommended the “Beef and bacon burger”. Tasmanian grass fed beef, streaky bacon, Heidi Gruyère cheese, Spanish onion, tomato, beetroot, lettuce, smokey bbq sauce & garlic aioli, all for the grand sum of $17, with a side serve of chips for a little extra.
There was a good balance of flavour between the quality beef, the crispy bacon (cooked al dente* just how I like it) and the savoury gruyere. The salads didn’t stand out, but neither did they detract. The bun can often be the make or break for a burger and in this instance they’ve chosen very well. Soft, yet strong enough to hold its shape throughout. Overall a solid, enjoyable burger that I’d certainly try again. I’m sure the Salamanca tax has a great deal to do with its rather steep price tag, but that’s what you get down at the waterfront.
À la Britain’s most famous musical export since Cliff Richard, Karen was looking to spice up her life, choosing the “Spicy beef burger”. Tasmanian grass fed beef, grilled red capsicum, jalapeños, Spanish onion, tomato, lettuce, chilli jam & jalapeño aioli for $17.
This also was surprisingly good. In particular, they got the level of heat just about right, not so mild that you barely notice its presence (as is typical when catering to the masses), yet not so hot that it overpowers the flavours of the burger. A really satisfying balance that brought out a nice sheen of sweat even from the single mouthful that I tried! Personally I’m not a fan of chilli powder in my patty, preferring to rely on chunkier ingredients for heat, but I’m sure others must love it.
Chips. Fantastic. Enough said.
It was a such a warm summer’s day that we couldn’t resist trying a couple of mugs of their finest ale. Again, prices are steep, hovering around $6-7 for a small (10oz?) and $11-13 for a large (pint?). In saying that, the range is extensive and unique, with many on the menu that we hadn’t tried previously. The two that we chose were delicious and the perfect accompaniment to our burgers.
Would you like a burger with that testosterone? It’s a great venue with a distinctly hipster vibe, but that’s not such burden when it can also cure male-pattern hair loss.
For a waterfront venue where quality is so often sacrificed in the pursuit of the dollar, and where preying on understandable tourist ignorance is commonplace, Jack Greene really surprised us both. The food is delicious, the service friendly and the location simply perfect for a sunny afternoon. The prices are high, but you won’t walk away feeling one kidney lighter.
It’s worth noting that they also have a range of gourmet mini-burgers, at $7.5 each or 3-for-$21. Three or four bites and they’re gone, but the range of ingredients is impressive and you’d have to seriously consider them as the ultimate pre-session stomach liner!
It’s in need of a spruce-up, but for more info drop by their website here – Jack Greene
You’ll find their Facebook page here – Jack Greene on Facebook
Sunday – Friday: 11.30am ’til late
Saturday: 10am ’til late
Taste – 4/5
Patty – 4/5
Bun – 4/5
Ingredients – 3.5/5
Condiments – 4/5
Presentation – 4.5/5
Stuffable* – Yes
Value – 3.5/5
*Can you stuff it in your face without a knife and fork?
Burger Challenge Roundup
White Collar Burgers
1. Mohr and Smith – 5/5
2. The Standard – 4.5/5
3. The Winston – 4.5/5
4. The Homestead – 4/5
5. Tasman Quartermasters – 4/5
6. Jack Greene – 4/5
7. Chrome – 3.5/5
8. Crumb Street Kitchen – 3/5
9. Moots in Kahoots at the Naked Bike Cafe – 3/5
10. pOp Cafe – 3/5
11. Burger Haus – 2.5/5
12. Burger Got Soul – 2/5
13. The Squire’s Bounty – 1.5/5
Blue Collar Burgers
1. Red Jaffa – 4.5/5 (these guys are my sentimental favourite, so they get the #1 gig, despite the equal scores!)
2. Albert Road Store – 4.5/5 (get the Two Clowns Burger!!)
3. Budgie Smugglers – 4.5/5
4. Stevo’s Takeaway – 4/5
5. Devil’s Kitchen Cafe – 3.5/5
6. Argyle Take Away – 3.5/5
7. Langridge Store – 3/5
8. Darcy’s Cafe – 3/5
9. Burger Me – 2.5/5
10. Atlantis Takeaway – 2.5/5
11. Gormanston Rd Takeaway – 1.5/5
* Yes, cooking meat al dente is a thing. Don’t argue, you know I’m right 😀