Burger Challenge at The Squire’s Bounty – Hobart, Tasmania [now closed]

My recent visit to The Squire’s Bounty was impromptu, but it was enough to convince me that style, not substance, is king.

I ordered the cheeseburger with pickles for $19.50. It came with a side serve of chips and a small dish of their own tomato sauce.

Cheeseburger and fries

Cheeseburger and fries (excuse the quality of the iPhone photo!)

When I first laid eyes on it I thought we might actually have a contender. Juicy patty peeking demurely from under the perfectly shaped dome (made from scratch I’m guessing?), a dash of vibrant green provided by the pickles, melted cheese oozing seductively (is that even possible?) from under the hot hunk of beef…

Alas, it wasn’t to be.

On grasping the bun between my hungry, wanton paws it simply crumbled. Shards of dry, overcooked bread crust flaking off in my hands like Groot with a bad case of dandruff!

I guess the cheese was nice, but the patty left me feeling empty. Bad patty! If only the bun was shaped like a cone, a la Madonna circa 1990, it could have been a dunces cap…

The pickles were limp, bland and entirely lacking in personality. A moment of morbid introspection best left unexplored.

As with so many lacklustre pub meals, thank [email protected]#! for the fries!

Overall?

Their website proudly claims that:

Facebook fans have said the Squire’s Bounty provides ‘the best food in Hobart by far’.”

Are you serious? Considering the hundreds of punters, locals and tourists alike, that pass through Squire’s doors every single day of the week, that’s the best they can do…? Lift your game guys. The beers have always been great, if overpriced, but Squire’s is in dire need of a new soul, preferably starting in the kitchen.

For more info, drop by their website here.

Taste – 2/5
Patty – 2/5
Bun – 1/5
Ingredients – 3/5
Condiments – 3/5
Presentation – 5/5
Stuffable* – Yes (barely, requiring a cut across the bun first)
Value – 2/5

Overall – 2/5

*Can you stuff it in your face without a knife and fork?

White Collar Burgers

1. The Standard – 5/5
2. The Winston – 5/5
3. Tasman Quartermasters – 4.5/5
4. Chrome – 4/5
5. Crumb Street Kitchen – 3.5/5
6. pOp Cafe – 3.5/5
7. Burger Haus – 3/5
8. Burger Got Soul – 2.5/5
9. The Squire’s Bounty – 2/5

Blue Collar Burgers

1. Red Jaffa – 4.5/5 (these guys are my sentimental favourite, so they get the #1 gig, despite the equal scores!)
2. Albert Road Store – 4.5/5
3. Budgie Smugglers – 4.5/5
4. Stevo’s Takeaway – 4/5
5. Devil’s Kitchen Cafe – 3.5/5
6. Argyle Take Away – 3.5/5
7. Darcy’s Cafe – 3/5
8. Burger Me – 2.5/5
9. Atlantis Takeaway – 2.5/5

The Squires Bounty Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato